The Good Friend
Dear Jamison.
“I’m right here. You don’t need to say ‘Dear’ when you talk to me.”
Mr. James’son
“We’ve known each other for years. You can be a bit more informal.”
Johnny
“Perfect”
I have something to tell you about your house. I was the one that egged it 3 weeks ago.
“WTF.”
And the car you took to the mechanic. That mechanic was my friend. I got a percentage, a cut, from the deal.
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Because I want to be the Good Friend.
“This is the opposite of a Good Friend.”
But at least i’m honest? No?
“Well sure but you could just be less of a scumbag.”
Absolutely impossible. I’ve realized change is difficult. If nigh on pointless to implement. So I’ve started to simply `accept` the way things are.
“What a philosophy. Whatever man I’m leaving.”
No no Johnny. Wait. Our other friends. They sometimes talk about you.
“WTF bro. What are you trying to do?”
Nothing man. I like them. They’re good people. But they haven’t realized what I’ve realized.
“Which is??”
The real problem isn’t the thieving Johnny. It’s not the cross looks. The Gossip. None of that.
“Then what the fuck could be worse bro? Stealing my girlfriend?”
Oh perfect I was meaning to talk to you about that…
“You’re FUCKED. Leave me alone.”
No no Johnny. Let me finish my thought then you can leave. The main issue is lying. Because we’re all messed up man. We all have false thoughts. Bad actions. Terrible intentions. It’s all Truth Johnny. That’s why I’m the best friend you have. I’m honest.
“So what about my girlfriend?”
Nothing bro I’m joking about that.
“I’m leaving.”
A bird landed on my hand today Johnny.
“What?”
Why would a bird land on the hand of a bad man? I must be good. Because I am un-pure. But honest. My intentions are clear. I’m like a lion.
"So what did the other guys say about me…”
You’ll have to ask them. I have many bad qualities as I pointed out. Being a nark isn’t one of them.